I quit my marriage, and then I became an escort. You'll never guess what happened next?
The dissolution of my marriage gave me the ability to transform my life beyond my wildest dreams and embark on a journey I had never considered before.
Since becoming an escort, I have proudly made an extraordinary life of my own without my former husband.
I discovered a happy-ever-after divorce, and I can reassure you that you don't need to be scared of being alone if a divorce is looming on your horizon.
It might seem bleak now, but you will find connection and happiness again. If you are anything like me, eventually you will have as much electrifying sex as you darn well please!
quick links to all topics
Introduction: Welcome To My Divorce
Love And Marriage
Pandemic Causes Divorce Epidemic
Reasons Why Couples Divorce
Adultery And Why People Cheat
Misconceptions: Women's Sexual vs Emotional Needs
I Committed Adultery Because Needed To Have Sex
Why I Got A Divorce
The Emotional Process Of Divorce
It’s Normal To Feel Grief & Loneliness
How To Care For Yourself During A Divorce
The Five Stages Of Grief In Divorce
What Did I Learn From My Separation & Divorce
Life After Divorce: The Show Must Go On
Wrapping Up
Prelude: Part Two
What’s In This Blog
These are small and hopefully helpful bits of information that you might be seeking to know in preparation for your near future.
Or, perhaps you just want to know a little more about me.
This is a very personal experience to divulge publicly. However, I am sharing this as I know that many couples are struggling now. COVID-19 has not been kind to many if any, of us in the world. Especially, those feeling distant and isolated while locked down in their relationships at home.
Please remember you are not alone.
Introduction: Welcome To My Divorce
My divorce was caused by the lack of sexual chemistry that we had as a couple, this equated to a mutually unhappy sex life during our marriage. Due to this, one of us committed adultery and then our divorce was the end result in the years that followed.
Although upsetting, these events changed and shaped my life for the better.
Ending my marriage paved the way to this very moment. I am now Olivia Winsome, a Melbourne escort.
An independent woman on an incredible journey of self-discovery after heartbreak, relationship turbulence and divorce recovery. I wouldn't have it any other way!
Let's look at why people get divorced; then we shall dive into adultery, society and issues in the marital bed.
Love And Marriage
NOT THE HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER FAIRY TALE THAT IT'S HYPED UP TO BE
If you want more from life, more than what marriage can offer - might I suggest you save the future heartache and don't walk down the aisle?
Don't buy the dress.
Steer clear of the stress.
Just keep on walking away from the potential heartbreak and mess!
Commit to you and honour “me, myself and I” - for as long as you “both" shall live.
Pandemic Causes Wide Spread Unhappiness
A Divorce Epidemic
In recent months, a few clients have started separating from their life partners, and they believe the pandemic lock-downs drove the final nail in their proverbial relationship coffin.
Pandemic induced separation and feelings of isolation seem to be on-trend right now.
As shown in Relationships Australia survey in 2020:
Study on Impacts COVID-19
by Relationships Australia.
Reasons Why Couples Get Divorced
When it comes to sex, relationships love, marriage and divorce, everyone has a different opinion of what works and doesn't work best for them.
Most couples seem to do fine with little or no drama in their actual relationship. But, in comparison, some pairs seem to thrive on hostility to one another.
Do you know the kind? They argue about everything with little resolution!
From money, chores and what the colour of their new living room is.
I often wonder if their sex life is as exciting and fiery.
While not all heated relationships end in divorce, below is a list of the most common reasons.
Top Reasons For Marriages Ending
Adultery: Why Couples Cheat
No Matter Your Sex, Age, Religion Or Gender. Everybody Can Cheat & Many Do.
Adultery can conjure up images of women with the milkman or men sneaking out the bedroom window as hubby gets home early from work.
Affairs happen for more reasons than you can dream up ice cream flavours in your head.
“We tend to think that people cheat because they’re unhappy in their relationships, and that certainly can be true, but the reality is more complicated. It’s important we recognise there are plenty of people in perfectly happy relationships who also cheat.”
Sometimes, affairs go beyond physical needs and include emotional attachments.
Similarly, sometimes they don't fit that narrative either.
On occasion, affairs need not be physical at all.
There are many misconceptions about cheating and divorce. About women and men, our genetic make-up, behaviours or “nature”. These can often cloud judgement, causing finger pointing at each other. Looking for answers for who is to blame for pitfalls or fractures in relationships that are caused by two people, not only one.
The biggest misconception that I find rather harmful is the assumptive reasons as to why women and men might find physical affection elsewhere.
Most of all why some people think the reasons must differ due to gender roles.
““We have a really black and white way of looking at infidelity, but it’s important for us to see that there are a lot of shades of gray to it” ”
Misconceptions: Women's Sexual vs Emotional Needs
Despite what you may read in twisted and elaborate relationship article headlines for click-bait.
Both men and women are equally promiscuous and active in the extra-marital affairs department.
It’s highly unfair to automatically assume why anyone does anything without asking them. Especially if your assumptions are based on stereotypical and sexist miss truths.
If you are one of the people who assume that:
Men cheat only for sex
Women cheat only to seek out the emotional connection
Well, I hate to be the ball-breaker and reality bringer buddy - but you're blindly wrong!
Women and men are both equally ruled by our hormones. Meaning, women can just want to have sex too, and affairs need not be from seeking emotional connection.
When a woman speaks about fulfilling her sexual needs, or increased libido. It's not needy or hysteria.
It's a biological urge, a thirst if you will. One that needs to be quenched.
It’s exact same physical urge as to why a man might wander off and have a one night stand of his own.
We are all the same that way.
I Committed Adultery Because I Needed To Have Sex
I cheated on my husband once and only once about five years into our marriage. I did this purely because I was horny and needed sex.
Our emotional connection was a beautiful one, it was not emotional connections that was lacking at all.
However, it was our sexual chemistry that was not so crash hot. The lack of harmony and electricity in the bedroom eventually caused us to go our separate ways.
Why I Got A Divorce
A troubled, turbulent relationship and dramatic marriage was not the relationship we had. We were lacking in that spark of unruly desire. The flames of passion and the fire that you don't mind being burnt by each night.
The primary catalyst to our divorce was our sex life as a couple - simply put, it just wasn't what either of us wanted it to be.
At the time, we were still very much in love, but we recognised that we had no sexual chemistry together. We never really did.
We were so blinded by our love for each other. Our friendship was all-consuming. Neither of us gave weight or paid attention to all the other bits that didn't fit.
Ironically, all the other bits would become so problematic for us later on, they became absolutely impossible to ignore.
It was an amicable divorce. Quick and respectful. We tried to remain as close as possible without fueling fire or discontent with one and another.
Even though our separation was drama-free, it was still a painful process to go through. Breakups are traumatic events that can trigger the same fight-or-flight response as actual physical danger, and I felt uneasy on the best of days.
The Emotional Process Of Divorce
Going through a divorce can be one of the most emotionally upsetting events in your adult life.
The anxiety mixed with fear of change and loneliness can be paralysing, all-consuming, debilitating and utterly confusing.
No matter the circumstances surrounding why the relationship is ending.
Both individuals involved will experience a vast array of uncomfortable feelings and emotions.
Some people feel numb.
Others are raw.
Luckily, this wasn't my experience, but that is not to say I didn't grieve!
IT’S NORMAL TO FEEL Grief And Loneliness
It's far from easy to separate from someone you still love.
Trust me when I say - you'll miss your best friend in the end and long after the divorce.
It is normal to feel grief and regret. You are not alone in feeling alone.
Emotional pain can make you hurt in unrecognisable ways, and the idea of imminent loneliness can make you panic about your life after separation.
It is imperative to take care of yourself and ask for support when you need it.
HOW TO CARE FOR YOURSELF DURING SEPARATION AND DIVORCE
I am not a Doctor or a professional Psychologist, and I do not pretend to be. My suggestions for how to take care of yourself might differ, as I mentioned previously, my divorce was not drawn out or fueled with anger and resentment.
Guiding you to find some information online that might help is something I can do.
According to Our Family Wizard, these are five things you can do to take care of yourself during separation and divorce:
Self Care Tips
1. Create a calming, clean and toxic free environment where you can feel safe and grieve.
2. Partake in regular and daily exercise to help boost happy thoughts and better mental health.
3. Try to make time for the things you love.
4. Spend more time with friends and family who can offer you positive support without judgement.
5. Talk to a professional who you feel comfortable with.
Five Stages Of Grief In Divorce
Emotions are uniquely personal, and so is the individual healing process you may undergo during separation and divorce.
There are five recognised stages of grief. You may encounter all or none of these in varying degrees and not necessarily in this order.
Denial: The First Stage Of Divorce.
Feelings of denial are potent after being blindsided by a life-changing event, such as divorce. Feelings of rejection are natural and human - they don't necessarily reflect the reality of the situation. It's similar to shock. When something traumatic happens, it can be so overwhelming, so shocking, so different from anything you have ever imagined, that you deny what is happening.
Anger: The Second Stage Of Divorce.
When you're angry, it's essential to know that you're mad. It's a natural human instinct to remove doubt because it can be a confusing and unsettling experience.
If you want to get through the divorce process positively, addressing anger and forgiveness is an important step.
Bargaining: The Third Stage Of Divorce.
The problem is that when we try to eliminate doubt or confusion through bargaining, sometimes we end up going back in time and retracing the steps that got us to where we are.
Bargaining can be a futile exercise if done too long after the event.
Depression: The Fourth Stage Of Divorce.
Depression is often a part of many people's experiences with divorce. The initial shock and sadness gradually decrease over time, leaving them feeling like they don't have any future to look forward to or can't go on.
Depression is an emotional state of feeling sad, empty, hopeless, helpless and worthless.
Acceptance: The Fifth Stage Of Divorce.
The final stage before you begin to rebuild your life.
What Did I Learn From My Separation & Divorce
My Number One Tip - Learn When To Hold ‘Em & Learn When To Fold ‘em
Divorce can be better, or easier to manage, if you don't get caught up in the little insignificant and emotional tiffs for no reason. When you do this, you are only prolonging your time in anguish before you can begin to heal.
Based on talking to people who have gone through a bitter divorce, versus the calmer experience I had. I think the one thing we did so well was we looked past the insignificant and saw the bigger picture.
Because of this, we made our decisions quickly, and we acted on them efficiently. As a result, we didn't have to dwell - it was done and dusted with little friction.
People can get caught up over just stupid little things and, it ruins everything you had together that you previously would have fought for to keep.
Love is a beautiful thing, but the respectful feelings once shared can be so easily tainted by bad behaviour. I implore you not to do this to yourself and soil those memories forever.
Focusing on petty things will make you bitter and angry.
Any time I had a moment of going, "Oh, I'm annoyed right now because of this or that," I asked myself, "Does it really matter?"
Usually, no.
I found a way to move on and look past it to the future.
Life After Divorce: The Show Must Goes On!
Life after the divorce was an eye-opening experience for me. You think you are so independent during your marriage, but you had it half-made!
Your bills were half paid; you had someone to finish up half the chores around the house. But, most of all, you had a friend to confide in without fear or judgement.
Once over, it can be quite an adjustment to do things on your own.
Wrapping up part one
In this article, I divulged my biggest secret!
You learnt why I got divorced.
We looked at the reasons why divorce happens, and what you might encounter on your personal journey to discovering life after divorce.
You now know the five stages of grief and the emotional process from being married to getting a divorce.
Prelude: Part Two
The stage is now set to share how I came to be me, Melbourne escort Olivia Winsome.
How did that happen exactly?
As a freshly single woman, I took little time before I tried out the dating scene!
My-oh my, do I have some terrible dates to share with you!
I dabbled for a while as the other woman in a horny, secret and saucy affair.
If you want to know more and what happens from there?
Well, then will need to keep an eye out for Becoming An Escort, Part 2.
